Good morning!
I didn't start this blog to be about all sweetness and light, I do want to share with you the dark journey that I have been on and the road that leads to a more light heart and seeing the world in a positive way.
2010 was a bit of a rough year, I started a new job that required relocation, put one of my cats to sleep, Magellan (Jelly), Obe was diagnosed with diabetes and my father-in-law, Miles, passed away in April. Mix all of that together with selling an apartment I loved, moving to Rhode Island and realizing that the job I took might not be the best thing for me, well that all turned into a recipe for depression.
I started to feel less like myself in August. I was mildly depressed, which I just took for being in a new environment, stress from work, being less financially secure than I had been for a very long time. As the weeks progressed I began to feel a heavy weight on me. My head felt as if I was having a heavy hand pressing down on it, sleep eluded me, my mind raced at all hours of the day and night and I lived in fear. Fear that I would be fired, fear that Erik and I would lose the house if I did get fired, had zero confidence in myself and shut out the world. I stopped calling family and friends, didn't return phone calls and I think the moment of me realizing that I wasn't going to get better by myself was on a Sunday when I couldn't get off the sofa, just staring at the walls. I was at the point of not wanting to be part of the world anymore.
Erik knew that something was wrong, but with this depression there was little that he could do to help. I know that he felt helpless, frustrated and unable to just make it all go away. Before I got really bad, Hilary had come to visit and we talked, it helped, but as I got deeper into the depression I shut everyone out......I realized I needed professional help to get through the despair.
People at work noticed a changed difference in me. For those of you who know me, I love to laugh, have a quick wit and enjoy interacting with people. I withdrew, barely able to make it through the work day.
I called the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that's offered through work. For any of you who have it, it's a great resource to use. I was seen the next day by a counselor, referred to a psych nurse for meds and referred to a therapist.
I was started on Lexapro that week, but it's not a magic bullet. The medication takes time to build up in your system, so the depression doesn't go away with the first pill. But week after week the depression lightens, the therapy helps and the light at the end of the tunnel isn't the headlight of an oncoming train!
I'd like to ask that each you look at the people around you. Is there anyone who seems withdrawn, not their normal self? Have they shut themselves out of the world? Fight to get into their life, fight to make sure that they have options for help, fight to get them back and out of the scary and very dark hole. They may resist, understand that it's only the depression, understand that we don't want to feel this way but are hopeless to make the change, fight to help!
Having helped someone in your life fight the depression, get back their life, uplift their spirits, well that will truly make you purr!
Obe and Cornelius
Obe and Cornelius
It is so easy to make assumptions about other people's lives. You never truly know what a person is going through - you and I have been cyberfriends for a bit over a year now, thanks for our mutual adoration of "Julie De Vivre". Oftentimes I would find myself chuckling over your posts and sort of looking at your pictures and thinking "that guy has got it made - happy marriage, awesome job, gorgeous new home, exotic trips, fun cocktail parties - the life of Riley. All the while you were in a terrible sad place. I am reminded of my favorite quotation: Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteP, I think that as a society we train everyone to hold everything inside, to put on a good face and not let them see you sweat. Sadly, this only exacerbates the issues. I want this blog to be a sort of "coming out" for people who are suffering from or know someone who is suffering from depression.
ReplyDeleteI live a very privileged life, don't get me wrong, I've had more than many will have, have visited places many haven't and count my blessings. But still, with everything, there came a time where it felt like everything came crashing down.
Money doesn't buy happiness, but good friends, a great support network and being able to talk about the dark and scary hole has helped me come back from the brink.
I cherish everyone in my life!
Glenn, I was in that big dark hole for years and years, but didn't get help until college. It was a pretty long road back. I still see the edge of it from time to time. Relatively recently, I found out that it tends to run in my family - but no one TALKED about it. It was all worth it though, because, when my son developed it, I recognized it earlier than I would have otherwise. He was on Zoloft for about 4 years, but is now off and doing pretty well. :0) Good luck with your journey back. Hugs.
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